So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
