help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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