So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
