He kissed a someone with a penis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
