I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize