So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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