lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
