You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Come on in and take your pants off
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