Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
