I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
