Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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