I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
