A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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