I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
