I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
