I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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