Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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