i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
