well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
