I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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