Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
