just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
