sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
