Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
