you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
