I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
