hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
