Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
