time to smoke my breakfast
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
