oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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