I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
