I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
