Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
