Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my shit smells like andre
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Terrible idea I love it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
