Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
