Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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