Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
