From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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