i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
