I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize