ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just pee around me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
