I don't usually arrange sex via text message
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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