you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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