I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
