his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
