He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
