I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
