Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
