Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
