The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
