How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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