What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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