I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
