On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
