Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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