Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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