How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
