you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
