He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
