maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
