do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
