I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
