dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
