The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
