ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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