my mouth tastes like poor choices
i already hear my dad disowning me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im part way to drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize